“Discard Session”
Letting go is hard to do. Just being a human animal predisposes us to “gather”—and to hold onto what we’ve worked so hard to gather. The modern world certainly doesn’t help in this regard. It’s all about doing more, getting more, achieving more, and of course keeping track of all that we’ve attained. While goals and motivation are essential, what seems to have been lost in the modern flow of the world is the beautiful quality of non-attachment, of not accumulating just because we don’t want to let go. (I was going to add here the simile of a chipmunk hoarding nuts in its ever-expanding cheeks, but even the chipmunk is doing that for a good reason.).
Even in practices like yoga and meditation, which are all about guiding us to soften and release, in today’s (western) world that tendency to “acquire” is everywhere. We expect our yoga to be a “workout.” We’re taught that there are “gentle” classes and “advanced” classes and that somehow the latter is better than the former. We’re supposed to be — eyes on the prize — continually striving to “get into” that next pose that we see someone else doing. Persevere, and add another feather to our caps.
The question of how much of this is coming from a place of genuine curiosity as opposed to a place of ego is a hard one to even ask, let alone honestly answer. As a recovering Type A it’s one that I really try to be continually aware of, and wow, the frequency with which I find ego at the root is humbling.
Even the meditation timer app I use is in on the game. Every morning after the bell rings to close my sit, there’s a big beautiful button urging me to “Continue.” Tap that, and then I can keep my “streak” going to achieve new “milestones.” I can compare myself to how much others are meditating and let them know about my own meditating prowess. I know these can be helpful tools for lots of folks—to build a sense of community, to help keep them showing up, and that is really wonderful. But none of those things figure into my motivation to show up on my cushion (back when the app was just a timer with nice-sounding bells I still did my sits). And yet. Part of me wants to tap that dang button.
And here’s the thing: just below the big beautiful “Continue” button are tiny letters that spell out “Discard session.” Tap that, and it’s all over…..I’ve just let all my good hard work disappear into the ether. Sometimes the hardest part of my morning sit is having the courage to “Discard session.” I think that’s a sort of perseverance, too.
